


Pie.Pie, Indeed!

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Humor, Incest, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: by The Artful DodgerFrodo and Merry want pie.but what are they planning to do with it?
Relationships: Frodo Baggins/Merry Brandybuck, Merry Brandybuck/Pippin Took
Kudos: 1
Collections: Least Expected





	Pie.Pie, Indeed!

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the work of the Masterful Tolkien. Tolkien's the man! This story, however, is all mine. I make no money off of this and probably should be working on something where I might actually make some money.but here ya' go.
> 
> Story Notes: I had a whole different concept when I started this story.but then Pippin came along and he had other ideas. Who can resist a Took? Certainly not me. Salina, for the beta, and for being you, thanks.
> 
> Warnings: Incest and Pie Snatching!!

It was a beautiful fall afternoon. The leaves had just begun to change and the sunlight on the trees made the Shire look like a rainbow of sparkling colors.

Gurdie Proudfoot had been busy in her kitchen all day. The *Pie Fair* was coming soon and she had been hard at work, making her famous cherry pies. Now the _Pie Fair_ is something that all Hobbits enjoy. And why shouldn't they? It does have their two favorite things, after all: visiting with old friends...and food!

Gurdie's windows were lined with cherry pies. What she didn't know was that she was being spied on by two rascals who were old enough to know better.

"You know, Frodo, she'll never use all those pies," Merry Brandybuck said as he eyed the tasty treats. The two Hobbits were hiding behind a bush at the top of a hill overlooking Gurdie's house.

Frodo Baggins looked down at the house at the bottom of the hill. "Sure she will, Merry," he told his cousin. "They'll all be gone in a flash. Gurdie makes the best pies in all of Hobbitton."

"In all of the Shire," Merry corrected him.

"Yes, indeed."

"But still, she couldn't _possibly_ use _all_ of them, could she? Why, we'd be doing her a favor...if we took one off her hands."

"Oh."

"Don't you agree, Frodo?"

Now Frodo did agree, mostly because he could smell the pies, even from where they were hiding, way atop the hill.

"But," Frodo pointed out, "we are far too old to be stealing other people's pies, Merry."

Merry sighed. "I suppose we are."

"Do you know what we need?"

"What's that, cousin?"

"Pippin. We need Pippin."

A slow, mischievous smile spread across Merry's face.

"Yes, indeed."

The two Hobbits rose from their hiding place and hurried back toward Bag End, to fetch Pippin and convince him of the genius behind Frodo's plan.

* * *

When they told Pippin their plan, the young Took was less than enthusiastic.

"Sounds like something that's just gonna get me into trouble."

"Only if you get caught," Frodo told him.

Pippin put his hands on his hips and glared at Frodo. "Why don't you do it then, Frodo Baggins?"

"Because...you're the best at pie snatching, Pip. Isn't he, Merry?"

"Oh, yes. Just ask anyone. If you need a pie snatched, Pippin's your Hobbit, they say."

Pippin's eyes grew big. "They really say that?"

"Yes, indeed."

The young Took looked thoughtful for a moment. "If I snatch the pie...then I get an extra piece," he said finally.

"That's fair," Merry nodded. "Okay, Pip, you can have an extra piece. Now run along and fetch us our pie."

Pippin turned and scampered off down the hill.

* * *

Merry and Frodo fell back on the ground trying to stop their squeals of laughter.

"Pippin's so easy," Merry chuckled.

Frodo propped himself up on one elbow and leaned over so he could look Merry in the face. "I thought you were the easy one, Meriadoc," he breathed.

Merry could feel himself trembling at the closeness of the other Hobbit's body. "Are you calling me a tramp, Frodo Baggins?"

"Never."

Then Frodo closed the distance between them and captured Merry's lips with his own. Merry moaned and opened his mouth for Frodo. The older Hobbit slipped his tongue inside and traced Merry's teeth.

Merry squirmed beneath Frodo and his hips lifted of their own accord. Frodo pushed Merry back down and grabbed at the buttons on the Brandybuck's shirt.

Merry pulled his mouth away, gasping for air. Frodo had already undone the top two buttons.

"Pippin..." he gasped, stilling his cousin's hands.

Frodo looked up with a start. "Did you just call me Pippin?"

Merry giggled. "No, you ninny. I mean Pippin will be back any minute. You shouldn't be taking all of my clothes off of me."

"You don't _want_ me?" Frodo pretended to pout.

"Later, Frodo...later." Merry raised his cousin's hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to each one.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Frodo sighed and sat up. Merry followed him, rebuttoning his shirt.

"You have a leaf," Frodo said.

"What?"

"Here." Frodo picked a leaf from Merry's hair. "See," he said, showing it to his cousin. "A leaf."

"Thank you, Frodo," Merry grinned, his face still flushed and his lips still kiss-swollen.

"You're welcome, Merry."

Just then, Pippin came tearing up the hill...carrying a pie. He was out of breath and grinning.

"Well done, Pip!" Merry slapped his younger cousin on the back.

"We should get lost before Gurdie notices her pie is missing," Frodo told them.

They raced off, laughing and smiling. When Frodo decided that they were far enough away from Gurdie Proudfoot's house, the trio fell down on the ground in a heap.

"I get first piece!" Pippin cried.

"All right, Pip. Calm down," Merry chuckled.

The cherry pie was delicious, still warm from baking, the syrupy filling melting on their tongues as they ate.

When Frodo had finished both his pieces, he stuck each finger in his mouth, one at a time, and licked them clean.

Merry watched him, staring at Frodo's lips as if in a trance.

Frodo raised his eyebrows. Grinning, he grabbed at Merry's sticky hands and began licking each digit clean. Merry felt his heart quicken as Frodo took the longest finger all the way into his mouth.

"That's gross, Frodo." Pippin wrinkled his nose up.

Merry pulled his fingers from Frodo's mouth. His cheeks were burning, but he wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or arousal. Merry looked at Pippin, who was finishing off his extra piece of pie.

"It's one thing to lick your own fingers," Pippin mumbled. "It's an entirely different thing to go around licking other people's."

Merry cocked his head and looked at the Took. Pippin wasn't all that young anymore. He had just had his twenty-second birthday last month. Surely he knew what Frodo had been doing.

There was a large glob of cherry filling on the corner of Pippin's mouth. Merry reached over with a finger and wiped it off. Pippin looked at him, quizzically.

Merry sucked the finger, cherry filling and all, into his mouth. Pippin's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. Merry snaked his tongue out and ran it along the base of the finger.

Pippin's eyes locked with Merry, as he gasped, "Oh...Merry."

Frodo leaned over and whispered in his cousin's ear. "Merry?"

"Yes, Frodo?"

"I think we may need another pie."

Merry grinned. "Yes...yes, indeed."

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
